Russia Attack!!!

Palpably Magoo is not a happy camper at the moment, even the Bush administration seems to have turned their back on him, refusing him even the tiniest of favors to bomb, bomb, Iran. Instead, they seem hell bent on adopting Obama's loony liberal, soft on terror ideas, and opening up a bit of dialogue with the bad guys.

But, Magoo knows wars aren’t won by talking, he knows how to WIN wars properly, you know, by using special secret strategies and breaking things and hurting people.

Here’s a man who knows how to win wars, he’s a self-proclaimed war winner, it’s his strength and he's determined to play to it. But, if no one’s at war, how can he possibly win one? Magoo needs a war and it seems he’s decided, that if no one's prepared to start one for him, he's gonna start one himself.

I noticed over the past week he repeated Reagan’s wobbly ‘tear down this wall Mr Gorbypants’ statement a couple of times. Perhaps he thought people would confuse which dithery old man had said it, and think it was him. Remember he’s rock solid in that 85-135 white male demographic!

This wasn’t a lone cold war reference, Johnny seems to have been blasting them off pretty regularly of late, and I began to wonder why? Then over the weekend it became all too clear.

Magoo wants his war, and as one of the most popular was Reagan’s war on the Soviets, he’s all about the sequel -- what better enemy than one that worked so well for Ron Reagan? -- The Soviet Uni...but, wait a minute, hold on a sec --- the soviets aren't around anymore….Ron won, John.

Still, unperturbed by the fact the USSR got broken up into little bite size chunks of democracy and Reagan put paid to all those nasty commies, and their evil wealth sharing, dog help dog ideologies, years ago, Magoo has decided to lock his crosshairs onto Russia….and what a fucking tool he is!

It all came flooding out in an interview he had with Goergipopalotapiss. Magoo was all about it, proving his foreign policy credentials and unveiled his latest masterly considered policy scheme, which is to throw Russia out of the G8!!!? This doesn’t only offend Russia, though I apologise on his behalf to any Russians that are reading this or are familiar with the tool’s statement, but he’s also offended the other 6 members of the G8 by arrogantly assuming that it’s his choice to do so. It’s the G8 for a reason…duh! Oh yeah, and the reason why? apparently, he doesn’t like them!?!?

I didn’t say a word about PTSD or Russian interrogators!

Johnny’s got his fingers crossed of course hoping that his insults will push them to the point where they'll want to attack us, then he can show us how he wins wars. Bare in mind if you will, that Russia, our ally, have a few more nukes than your average tin-pot regime, and they wouldn't be the pushover Iraq has bee....oh yeah, we haven't pushed them over yet. Still, not to worry, you know what they say! if you're perceived to have lost one pointless war, the best remedy is to start fighting another, right?

At one point in his interview, Magoo had an unfortunate stumble over the name of the president of Russia, well it wasn’t actually a stumble at all, he just outright got it wrong, referring to Putin as President. Small potatoes I’m sure for such an experienced foreign policy operator, people don‘t give a shit about being called by their real names, right? He went on and offered a weak defense, saying that Putin may as well be president because he ran the country anyway, nice! He went on to infer that Medvedev was merely a puppet, even better!

Yup that Medvedev, the one that President Magoo would have to attend summits with. Then again, if his plan to unilaterally declare war on Russia works he won’t have to attend any summits.

Not only does Russia have the capacity to nullify us a few times over, and I’m quite sure that if they were pushed again, they might actually think about it -- once bitten, twice shy -- and Russia is the biggest of the ex-Soviet Union demo-chunks. They also happen to be an ally of ours in our war on terror, you know, the one that’s still supposed to be going on, John…remember? And one of the reasons they’re an ally in that war, because they’re Christian, you know church people like you. Don’t go getting tricked by those long intimidating beards, they’re all the rage with those snappy dressing orthodox types.

Also, they’re capitalists, yup! they’re capitalist too. In fact a whole heap of US business is tied up over there, and pretty much dependent on their economy, and probably at this very moment desperately trying to mend fences, I’m sure by claiming you’re some irrelevant nut that doesn’t have a hope in Nov.

So in summary, they’re a Christian capitalist democracy like us, isn't that supposed to be the point of all our wars? you know, to spread democracy, the good word of our Lord and the ideology of Enron?

As far as excuses go, I wouldn’t think of trying to push some fabricated collusion with Al Qaeda, you’ll find that a bit of a hard sell. But, you’ll have no trouble with WMD, just as long as they don’t use them all on us first!

Johnny, you’re a tool, keep your foreign policy experience to yourself mate!