Russia Attack!!!

Palpably Magoo is not a happy camper at the moment, even the Bush administration seems to have turned their back on him, refusing him even the tiniest of favors to bomb, bomb, Iran. Instead, they seem hell bent on adopting Obama's loony liberal, soft on terror ideas, and opening up a bit of dialogue with the bad guys.

But, Magoo knows wars aren’t won by talking, he knows how to WIN wars properly, you know, by using special secret strategies and breaking things and hurting people.

Here’s a man who knows how to win wars, he’s a self-proclaimed war winner, it’s his strength and he's determined to play to it. But, if no one’s at war, how can he possibly win one? Magoo needs a war and it seems he’s decided, that if no one's prepared to start one for him, he's gonna start one himself.

I noticed over the past week he repeated Reagan’s wobbly ‘tear down this wall Mr Gorbypants’ statement a couple of times. Perhaps he thought people would confuse which dithery old man had said it, and think it was him. Remember he’s rock solid in that 85-135 white male demographic!

This wasn’t a lone cold war reference, Johnny seems to have been blasting them off pretty regularly of late, and I began to wonder why? Then over the weekend it became all too clear.

Magoo wants his war, and as one of the most popular was Reagan’s war on the Soviets, he’s all about the sequel -- what better enemy than one that worked so well for Ron Reagan? -- The Soviet Uni...but, wait a minute, hold on a sec --- the soviets aren't around anymore….Ron won, John.

Still, unperturbed by the fact the USSR got broken up into little bite size chunks of democracy and Reagan put paid to all those nasty commies, and their evil wealth sharing, dog help dog ideologies, years ago, Magoo has decided to lock his crosshairs onto Russia….and what a fucking tool he is!

It all came flooding out in an interview he had with Goergipopalotapiss. Magoo was all about it, proving his foreign policy credentials and unveiled his latest masterly considered policy scheme, which is to throw Russia out of the G8!!!? This doesn’t only offend Russia, though I apologise on his behalf to any Russians that are reading this or are familiar with the tool’s statement, but he’s also offended the other 6 members of the G8 by arrogantly assuming that it’s his choice to do so. It’s the G8 for a reason…duh! Oh yeah, and the reason why? apparently, he doesn’t like them!?!?

I didn’t say a word about PTSD or Russian interrogators!

Johnny’s got his fingers crossed of course hoping that his insults will push them to the point where they'll want to attack us, then he can show us how he wins wars. Bare in mind if you will, that Russia, our ally, have a few more nukes than your average tin-pot regime, and they wouldn't be the pushover Iraq has bee....oh yeah, we haven't pushed them over yet. Still, not to worry, you know what they say! if you're perceived to have lost one pointless war, the best remedy is to start fighting another, right?

At one point in his interview, Magoo had an unfortunate stumble over the name of the president of Russia, well it wasn’t actually a stumble at all, he just outright got it wrong, referring to Putin as President. Small potatoes I’m sure for such an experienced foreign policy operator, people don‘t give a shit about being called by their real names, right? He went on and offered a weak defense, saying that Putin may as well be president because he ran the country anyway, nice! He went on to infer that Medvedev was merely a puppet, even better!

Yup that Medvedev, the one that President Magoo would have to attend summits with. Then again, if his plan to unilaterally declare war on Russia works he won’t have to attend any summits.

Not only does Russia have the capacity to nullify us a few times over, and I’m quite sure that if they were pushed again, they might actually think about it -- once bitten, twice shy -- and Russia is the biggest of the ex-Soviet Union demo-chunks. They also happen to be an ally of ours in our war on terror, you know, the one that’s still supposed to be going on, John…remember? And one of the reasons they’re an ally in that war, because they’re Christian, you know church people like you. Don’t go getting tricked by those long intimidating beards, they’re all the rage with those snappy dressing orthodox types.

Also, they’re capitalists, yup! they’re capitalist too. In fact a whole heap of US business is tied up over there, and pretty much dependent on their economy, and probably at this very moment desperately trying to mend fences, I’m sure by claiming you’re some irrelevant nut that doesn’t have a hope in Nov.

So in summary, they’re a Christian capitalist democracy like us, isn't that supposed to be the point of all our wars? you know, to spread democracy, the good word of our Lord and the ideology of Enron?

As far as excuses go, I wouldn’t think of trying to push some fabricated collusion with Al Qaeda, you’ll find that a bit of a hard sell. But, you’ll have no trouble with WMD, just as long as they don’t use them all on us first!

Johnny, you’re a tool, keep your foreign policy experience to yourself mate!

The House Judiciary Definitely Not An Impeachment, So Don’t Quite Know What We’re Here For Hearing

What a fucking circus that was! it left me absolutely livid, I lost sleep last night thinking about it and woke up this morning still stewing on it. The committee provided such a smorgasbord of contemptuous attitudes for the American people to pick from, and reserved something a little extra special for all people of the Muslim faith, not bad for a few hours of a non-event.

Proceedings were actually interrupted at one point by a Republican asking how much longer it was likely to go on for, after all, some of them had to travel...travel!

I really don’t know what they were doing there in the first place and feel myself in agreement with this administration’s most ardent supporters on the issue. They’re right! it was a tin-pot show (non)trial, which in a way, I suppose is fairly appropriate, for such a tin-pot show (non)administration. If that was a judiciary committee, and the inference is that somewhere in all of it, there was justice, then I’m a fucking ballpoint pen.

On top of it being totally bereft of even the slightest pretence of justice, those gentlemen can be proud of themselves, as they unquestionably control the single most partisan committee I’ve ever witnessed. In fact, I seriously doubt whether in the political history of this, once great, country, there's ever been a more partisan, dysfunctional bunch of self-serving political fuckwits gathered under a single committee banner before. The partisan tone here was even worse than the last great bureaucratic non-event; Senator Clinton’s failed stand at the DNC Rules & Bylaws committee. All that was missing here were the unseemly displays of wailing and booing that the Democrats had allowed.

I guess the problem stems from the chair. Temperate and likeable, John Conyers would make the perfect grandpa, but I’m not sure these are the right character traits for a man in such a pivotal position at such a pivotal moment in history. The knowledge that Congressman Conyers stands on one of the last lines of defense for our constitutional freedoms, is unsettling. I can see why he’s so popular with the ill-informed republican pitbulls that share his committee; he allowed himself, and more importantly the committee witnesses, to be bullied by them.

There was no control, no direction, it seemed like a free for all. Not unlike the way this administration has run roughshod over the constitution and those it purports to serve. I’m not sure what I found most upsetting, like I said, there was such a choice, but certainly the way in which some pretty shocking accusations were ignored seemed pretty suspect.

There was an overwhelming amount of hearsay and conjecture, the conjecture predominantly generated by the administration’s supporters on the committee. It was palpably their aim to focus on the more exagerated claims in an effort to deflect attention from the more substantiative evidence. They needed this committee to look even more partisan than it already was, and the more references they could make to Clinton, the more the whole affair conjured up memories of efforts to impeach along political lines, and bad chairmanship allowed it to work.

However, among all the nonsensical mudslinging by this administration’s supporters, there were accusations made and supporting evidence submitted, that if true, would prove beyond doubt that the administration and our president had committed crimes against the American people.

Two claims that would be easy to check and warranted further investigation were: that a CIA report handed to the president 6 days before he addressed Congress stated that Saddam Hussein did ‘NOT’ pose an imminent threat to the US, had been tampered with before being shown to Congress. Furthermore, in the president's address to Congress he claimed that he had good information that Saddam Hussein 'DID' pose an imminent threat to US security. A major difference and a clear abuse if true.

Then there was the ‘Downing Street Memo’ written by David Manning an aide of Tony Blair. It was disparaging about Bush and his intentions, claiming that he believed Bush was ‘looking’ for war, and among other things, had contemplated painting two US drones in UN colors and flying them over Baghdad, to tease Saddam into shooting them down, and trigger hostilities.

Surely, these accusations wouldn't be difficult to check out? Either there was evidence that GW Bush had broken the law or there wasn’t. But, where was the guidance, where was the chairmanship? Whether you feel they may be true or complete lies, surely they required further discussion and possible investigation. If I were a republican I would want to clear the president’s good name.

On the whole the congressmen/women of the committee and the witnesses were a fucking joke. The only person in the room with any gravitas was former Los Angeles County Deputy District Attorney and Manson prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi. His tone like a blast from a decent past. I was just waiting for a bit of fist slamming on the desk, he was alive and bright, with the kind of character and moral fiber that would scare the crap out of these sniveling self-serving politicians. Here's a taste of him in action...



Though I didn't dig Bugliosi's book plug, I forgave it as relevant, which couldn't be said of Elizabeth Holtzman’s efforts, promoting a book that hadn't even been written about the current administration. It just further demeaned the entire process. Then we get to the two stooges; Presser and Rabkin, brought in on behalf of the administration, they spent most of their time discussing ethereal bullshit. They pondered irrelevances like how many presidents would've qualified for impeachment, under what they claimed, were similar circumstances. But, as we say in England, the biscuit was taken by, a pig in a suit, who went by the name of Louie Gohmert TX01. What a prize plonker!

He kicked off feigning outrage at the accusations that had been made against our esteemed leader, but of course, didn’t reference them. Then promptly sticking to script, went off on Clinton, telling us that Bush shouldn’t be blamed for believing Clinton’s lies?!?!? Yup! but what the fuck that has got to do with anything?

I couldn't believe that a sitting member of the US congress could spit out such unadulterated bilge in a congressional ‘hearing’ where was the chairman? Does no one correct this kinda thing?

I was so offended by this twot, that I looked him up. I mean the bloke was so stupid I figured he had to be some old school chum of fanny Bush’s, or something. But no, I nearly choked on my fucking brioche when I read that, he used to be a district court judge! Poor, poor district.

The other bit of info I found quite shocking is that he’s only the second republican in 150 years to hold TX01, and only won the seat in 2005. How can someone in his shoes be so vehemently defending the most unpopular administration in history of mankind? I really hope he doesn’t know something we don’t, maybe he’s had a wink for the Supreme Court, he’d fit in nicely. But, hold on, I haven’t got to the best bit yet...

After his Clinton bashing, he went on to tell us that, no one would’ve guessed that the Muslims, yup the Muslims, would’ve attacked us, because Clinton’s only military actions had been to defend them against Christians.

This bloke couldn’t be for real, it was like he was reading straight from the Joseph Goebbels’ propaganda for beginners handbook. Muslims attacked us, he didn’t mention the word terrorist once! We’d been attacked by Muslims, and no one would’ve guessed, because we’d been so good to them, protecting them from our own Christian brothers.

Fucking outrageous! but what did he mean? where, did he mean? I wondered for a bit...then realized, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me...he meant Kosovo!

I think it was this that kept me up last night, this was what had troubled me most.

How can his fellow Republicans sit around and accept that kind of racially motivated hatred? How does it make our fellow citizens, American Muslims feel, when they hear this stuff? Words like those can so easily incite racial violence, children get beaten up in the street because of ridiculous ignorance like that. But, here was an ex US district court judge and current Congressman saying it. My only relief was that because the US main stream media are so fucking biased they weren't even covering it, fortunately I'd been watching on CSpan. So, perhaps everyone would be safe because the kind of people that attack 10 year old Muslim girls in the street don’t watch Cspan.

The real offence here is not so much his words, though they're truly disgusting, and made all the more revolting because they’re spoken by someone who does know better. But, the fact that US politicians hold the American people in such low regard. They believe their electorate to be so stupid, they don’t have to bother with the truth, they're never challenged for it. This Gohmert TX01 bloke wouldn't speak like this if he knew he couldn’t get away with it. He does it, because he can, it's easy, a little public unrest, a little tension is good for politicians. It's only bad for the people that have to live with the consequence of that prejudice, of their throwaway statements and feigned, or real ignorance.

The single most relevant statement made yesterday was Republican Congressman Steven King’s quoting of Tacitus. In a period when Rome was transforming from that once great Republic to a dictatorship - ‘The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all’

Friday was a fucking travesty and the people of America need to stop tolerating that crap, but it won’t get better until you demand better.

I apologise for the poor quality of this piece, but that hearing made me so angry, I needed to get it off my chest.

Chili Con Carne - Extended Play

You do realize, all I do is sit around all day writing my humiliating dating stories. Anyway, here's the extended play version of chili on me carne.

Chili Con Carne - EP

Fueled by a robust red, our date had been flying, the pizzas arrived virtually unnoticed, and we could barely take our eyes off each other to check out the food. This was totally unexpected, but what a result!

We both shook on some parmesan from the weird cheese dispenser on our table. I know this wasn’t the most authentic of Italians, it was serving pizza for a start, but what’s with the condiments? I could accept oil and vinegar, but dried Parmesan in a sugar shaker was a bit ropey, and what’s with the pot of dried chilies? since when have Italians added dried chilies to anything? Still, I did remember hearing something about chicks equating chili peppers to passion, maybe that’s why they were on every table. So, not being one to miss an opportunity to send a subtle subconscious sex message, I took a good sized pinch of the crushed dried chilies, crumbled them between my fingers and lavishly over my pizza.

Long before we’d got to the restaurant, I’d needed to take a piss, but hadn’t wanted to break up the flow of the night, so I’d held on. Now, it was becoming a distraction, and I knew if I didn’t take one soon it was going to start disrupting me. Also, we’d been tanking back that red, red wine, and I knew I’d have vampire lips to deal with. The arrival of food provided the perfect opening, and I grabbed it, gestured that I needed to wash my hands, and I was on my way. In a minute I‘d be totally focused, all hers. Smooth! Triffic!

It was the first time I’d been on a date in ages and I was actually enjoying it. This girl was fantastic! All this, getting to know each other before sex was new and refreshing to me, and I was loving it, who would’ve thought?

I didn’t hang around in the bog, a rapid lash, then a quick scrub of the vampire teeth and lips on the hand towel, and I was done. A tad unhygienic perhaps, wiping other men’s toilet deposits into my mouth, but I was leaving nothing to chance, gotta look my best.

I was back in a flash, and we picked up right where we’d left off. Neither of us were stopping, I’d even started to swing the conversation around to sex, and she’d willingly followed. This date was on the fast track to sexcess, all we had to do was finish up the food and get a cab! But, at that very moment, the instant I realized we were going to end up at my place, things began to unravel.

From this point on things become a bit of a blank. Like a bad dream, or a night on the piss with your mates, there are parts you forget, parts you’d like to forget, then other parts your mind forces you to forget.

Within a few minutes of getting back from the bog, something began stirring in my crotch, at first the signals were confusing. I mean, any sensation down there during a date with a hot bird is generally a good thing, quite natural, but somehow, this wasn’t. It was just unsettling, even a little disturbing.

Next I felt a tinge, then I thought I recognized a familiar burn, an unwelcome visitor. NO! not a fucking STD! it couldn‘t be, the timing was so incredibly bad, I refused to believe it, it wasn’t happening. I started pleading with God asking him to give me anything but a fucking STD, unfortunately he heard me.

BANG! A searing pain and all the unsettling feelings and ponderings about STDs, were gone. This was something way more significant, there was a very clear and present DANGER in my underpants. A darkness descended, everything had turned to outright horror and pain. Something was basting my manhood with battery acid, my one eyed bed snake had snaked itself onto a bed of nails. I began to sweat, and everything became muffled, and surreal, it was like I was having an out of body experience, except I’d brought the pain with me.

I was close to fainting, the pain was so intense, with no respite, no pulse, no breather between stabs. It was relentless, excruciating. Obviously, my date noticed something had changed in me, I was vacant, a body but the soul had skipped.

Like some beautiful actress from the silent age, I could see her mouth moving, but I heard nothing, I couldn’t register anything, my mind was blank, I was totally distracted. Every last neuron had been counted in and fired right out again in a desperate search for an answer. My very being was under threat, the fundamental point of my existence, my ability to procreate was in peril, I thought of nothing other than my flaming COCK!

After a time, the silent siren’s lips stopped moving, instead they became pursed in frustration. And who could blame her? I’d sat for the last three or four minutes, maybe longer (certainly seemed longer), just staring at her, watching without saying, and she‘d had enough. There we sat in silence, she looked beautiful, I didn’t. I was sweating so profusely, that it had begun to soak through my shirt. Palpably there was something wrong with me, but I wasn’t sharing it with her, and that had made her feel insecure enough to stop asking, or caring.

Sure, it was all my fault, but what could I do? Vesuvius had erupted in my nuts and hot lava was cascading down my cock. This wasn’t by choice, I was frozen in fear and pain, unable to speak, or act, I was helpless.

Then in all the darkness, pain and confusion, there was a hint of reason, a spark of light in the tunnel. But, with my body in survival mode, protecting only the essentials, all blood had been rushed to preserve the my primary organ, my cock. So, as the light of reason drew nearer and bigger, my brain starved of fuel and unable to dissimilate the information properly, broke with procedure and allowed the realization to burst free from my mouth…

‘CHILIES!’ I spluttered. Then tripping over my chair in the process, I raced for the bathroom …IDIOT! I thought.

I had pinched a peck of pickled pepper and passed it to my….dick, you fucking DICK! how totally fucking ridiculous! I’d been undone by a few flakes of dried chili gnawing at my manhood.

Helped by a flood of endorphins, the cool water worked, and slowly but surely washed away the pain. After a short time my manhood was restored, though my dignity would have to wait for a bit.

Any marginal relief I felt was short lived, the masochist in me reminded me that I was on a date. I’d been so caught up in chili relief that I’d forgotten all about the date, or rather the humiliation that accompanied it. I immediately felt pained again, though this time it was less direct, more insidious.

Fuck it! It wasn’t like I had a choice, I’d have to face her. I straightened up best I could, and was about to step back into the restaurant, when I paused for a second, I could tell her the truth, right?

We’d been getting on so well before, sure it seemed like a lifetime ago, but we’d been full of the joie de vie, Jesus! we were laughing when the pizzas arrived, and I hadn‘t finished mine yet. Yeah, she was the kind of girl who’d take things in her stride, she’d be fine. I’d convinced myself that I was going to walk straight out, tell her the idiotic truth, face off the humiliation, have a laugh about it and move on. It was just some silly little thing.

Then it hit me, that’s the whole fucking point! It was a silly little thing, in retrospect it sounded really silly and totally shallow. I’d been frozen in fear, unable to speak or hear, just because my cock hurt. Oh man! it sounded so weak, it just sounded stupid, she was going to think I was a complete asshole. I couldn’t possibly admit to the truth. I’d have to make up a story, maybe something to do with a heart problem, or sports injury, and try to generate some sympathy while I‘m at it. There was only one way to turn this around, I’d LIE!

Finally, I felt comfortable again, and with creative thoughts racing around my freshly fueled mind, I walked out of the bathroom. I was free from pain and feeling pretty confident about the way I was gonna play it, and…she’d left….she’d fucking gone. I couldn’t believe it! For the second time in three minutes I felt simultaneously relieved and pained.

Of course she’d assumed the worse, the truth. After all, the only word to pierce the last twelve minutes of sweaty silence had been ‘chilies‘. Sure, it would’ve been nice to cover my tracks, but I decided to cut my losses. I figured it was marginally less humiliating to let her go into the night believing I was a totally cock conscious paranoid weakling, than to have to face her again, and try to convince her that something entirely different had taken place. At least this way she could never be absolutely certain, and after what I’d been through, I chalked that up as a win.

Humiliated and feeling a little rejected, I paid off the smug looking waitress and left. I never went back, or saw the girl again. Just one of those silly little things!

Moral:- There isn't one.

Chili Con Carne

I recently sent this short description (175 words) of an embarrassing date. I got unlucky with some dried chilies.

Chili con carne!

Fueled by a robust red, this date had been racing.

Our pizzas arrived, we both added parmesan and I crumbled on some dried chili, then grabbed the opportunity to take a much needed piss.

This girl was fantastic, amazing!

I returned quickly and we picked up where we’d left off. But, within a few moments something began stirring in my crotch, it felt like my manhood was basting in a bowl of battery acid.

I began to sweat profusely.

Like some beautiful actress from the silent age, I could see my date‘s mouth moving, but I could register nothing, my mind was completely distracted.

After a time, the silent siren’s lips stopped moving and pursed in frustration. It was all my fault, but Vesuvius happened to be erupting in my nuts and hot lava was cascading down my cock, petrified and in pain, I sat frozen.

Then, a realization...

‘CHILIES!’ I screamed. My penis had pinched a peck of pickled pepper.

Water washed it away, she left too, the humiliation hung around.

Moral:- Use a utensil when adding chilies.

McCain's Blunders, Stumbles and Bumbles Pt 1

Look, I know this is a few days old, but it's soooo precious I just HAD to have it on the blog.

One of the reasons this is a particular favorite of mine, is because it was recorded in Magoo’s media 'safe' zone. You know, that place at the back of the Suck Ass Express, where attendees 'earn' their seats by reporting pro Magoo propaganda.

You’d have thought such a ‘straight talking’ mavericky presidential candidate would be able to answer a question as simple as ‘where do you stand on (insert issue here)?’, right? apparently not! Now, just in case you’re thinking it could be one of those really sticky issues, excuse the pun, it ain’t. The question, asked by Maeve Reston of the Los Angeles Times, was as innocuous as it was relevant, and had been generated by MaGoo's surrogate (and possible VP pick) Carly Fiorina’s latest push to attract all those fresh femme votes to old grumpa Magoo.

The un-edited clip (embedded below) comes courtesy of MSNBC’s Countdown. There’s also a minute or so of Rachel Maddow’s pre and post clip commentary and some discussion with a cat from The Nation, it’s all bearable.

I mention that the clip is un-edited, because just about every other reference to the bumble on MSM has been heavily edited. Still, I guess no amount of snipping could disguise the silence as MaGoo's brain whirs and clicks but fails to engage.

Anyway, without further ado here's MaGoo doing it LIVE! without a script, I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Let's do this....

WE'LL DO IT LIVE!



So, MaGoo voted against women being able to receive contraception through their health insurance, instead preferring that they continue to pay for it, whilst their partners get loaded up on Viagra?!?

It all sounds a little upside down to me, it couldn’t be that we’ve inadvertently stumbled on a much more sinister plot? If Magoo makes contraception prohibitively expensive, then simply introduces a few mandatory drinking laws, say a quart vodka/day, he’d have created the perfect environment for producing an entire generation of unwanted angry babies, ready to go fight WWIV!

Extract from Rock n' Roll is Dead And...

Here's a short extract from an autobiographical project I've been working on. Hope you enjoy, I'll post more soon...

FROM - ‘ROCK N’ ROLL IS DEAD AND...’

Patch's Funeral

2. The irony of it all

Patch had gone through periods of both smoking and hitting-up smack. There’s an added stigma attached to intravenous drug use, smoking has always been considered the lesser of the two evils, but fuck knows why, they’ll both kill you just as dead.

Maybe there’s a feeling that only trained professionals should handle things like syringes, people consider the spike more dangerous than the stuff in the tube. I dunno what it is, but believe me the stigma’s there. There are addicts who believe they’re less of an addict because they don’t use a needle. Ridiculous I know, but addicts like Patch take it seriously. So, whenever Patch felt he was slipping too far from the road of righteousness, he’d prove to himself that he was still in control by retiring the needle for a bit.

Now, I know I’ve just explained that there’s no difference between the two in terms of how dead or addicted you end up, and there isn’t. To the untrained eye, switching from the needle to the foil doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but believe me it is. Habitual behavior is a hard thing to change.

So, there was something to be gained after all, if Patch could prove to himself that he had the willpower to switch, then who knows where it could lead. But, it would’ve been hopeless trying while Simon was there, the temptation would be too great.

Watching Simon build a fix was like experiencing a Cordon Bleu master class. He’d meticulously prepare with a particular spoon and always use fresh lemon juice, he even made the tearing of the cigarette filters look artful. He’d cook his spoon over a specially acquired Bunsen burner, then as the brown liquid bubbled and spat, he’d toss in the torn filters like little pieces of polenta in a pan of frying butter. Then he’d ready the spike and himself for the hot rush.

All the while Patch sits sucking on some foil, I don’t think so!

Simon may’ve been the most committed of heroin addicts, but he wasn’t one to shoot up in the nearest toilet. The administration of his drugs were a precious routine to him. Like a retired colonel preparing his first scotch and water of the day, a little too close to noon, there was something terribly wrong but inherently civilized about the way Simon consumed drugs.

The unspoken attraction of their joint tenancy had been the chance to socialise their habits, build routines and procedures. Suffering an addiction alone was to be avoided wherever possible, knowing that someone else was falling as low as you, was comforting, safety in numbers. But, there was a downside, Newton’s law applied here too, couples end up locked in an ever downward spiraling dance of self-destruction, one’s efforts to stop disrupted by the other’s need to continue.

Simon’s weekend break was going to offer Patch the perfect opportunity. He deluded himself into believing that a few days would be all he’d need. In three days he could break the back of that habit and form a new one. Anyway, chasing had it’s own dedicated procedure, it wasn’t so bad.

But the biggest problem a hitter-turned-chaser faces, is the loss of the very thing that made them hit up in the first place: the rush. That fully fired up rush of Godly smackiness racing to and through the brain. The thing that; lays you back and with your mind she runs.

Just, this time she wasn‘t going to.

Here was Patch, desperately trying to do the right thing, but, denied the rush delivered by the needle, he’d begun chasing it, literally chasing a rush that just wasn’t there, chasing more and more, until finally, POP!

His fucking lungs explode.

So there it is, the final irony, Patch’s fate sealed, and all because he tried to take a step for the better. If it wasn’t so tragic it’d be funny.

Still, the only certainty in life is that it’ll end and dealers will keep you waiting. We all go eventually and at least Patch went with his boots on. I know, I wouldn’t wanna go alone and you can definitely keep the collapsed lung bit. But, I’m sure there are some who’d consider the pain and the loneliness of his death glamorous.

As I sit here, 15 years later, a middle-aged man, looking back on life and someone else’s death, I begin to envy Patch, preserved in memory as a young man. Unlike him and Dorian Gray, the rest of us have to wear the faces our lives weathered, and with every aching, creaking joint, feel the heavy toll of abuse on our bodies.

I’ve hung around for far too long to be loved by anyone other than those forced by circumstance. I really don’t want to know how it’ll be for me.

FISA, the danger I see in it, a thank you for Keith Olberman, and yes, a warning for Barack Obama

On the eve of your day of independence from my lot, as a naturalized yank I thought I’d give you some thoughts and opinions regarding FISA and your constitution.

The bill allows for the warrant-less wire-tapping of foreign terror suspects, now to most freaked out, fearful Americans that sounds fine, I'm sure they’d feel that our secret service/law enforcement should be offered every advantage in their fight on terror. But, they'd be wrong, the bill doesn’t make any tangible difference to our secret service’s ability to track suspects, it merely means they don’t have to queue for a warrant.

Now put that into perspective, the original bill already allowed for agents to go ahead with tapping without a warrant, they merely had to apply within a certain time frame afterwards, so there was no argument about warrants, which seemed to be the thing supporters of the amendment crowed about most.

Also, the founding father’s believed, that ALL people should be provided equal rights, 'all men are born equal', regardless of citizenship, or any amount of insinuated guilt. This country should hold true to what has made it great, by remaining a shining beacon of justice and equality, when all around flap and panic America should stand tall and proud, not let itself be dragged into the gutter.

But I guess that’s irrelevant because the amendment is not only talking about 'foreign terror suspects’, it should and could read the warrant-less wire-tapping of anyone the govt and/or it’s representatives deem to be a ‘suspect’, which casts a much wider net.

Unfortunately, there’s no definition of ‘suspect’ other than those deemed to be ‘suspect’ by our government and its representatives. Don't think for a minute that 'foreign' has anything to do with it, there's no definition of that either, could an American Muslim be considered 'foreign'? could Mexican, Cuban or Polish immigrants be considered 'foreign'? could Green Card holders be considered 'foriegn'? that's me fucked.

Oh yeah! Not to worry there’s no definition of foreign either!

Basically, it covers anyone at all the government or 'any of its representatives' deem a suspect. That could include an angry neighbor who’s an agent or an ex-wife/husband/boyfriend holding a grudge, they could throw you on the list just for shits and giggles.

That’s all a bit too 1984 but 1984 was 22 years ago and it feels like it, believe me, big brother is quite literally watching us, just in our twisted version we can’t see him.

On issues like this there's a common misconception among some of our more foolish compatriots that ‘if you’re doing nothing wrong then you’ve got nothing to hide' but they’re really missing the point. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that totally innocent people will have their entire lives ruined because of what happened in congress last week.

Now, I know you're feeling all smug, because you've never picked up a parking ticket and have perfect children who could never get in any trouble and everything is neat and nice, but you are protected by the constitution whether you are aware of it or not. As citizens of this country we have to ensure we protect the weak and the vulnerable, our constitution is supposed to be there to protect the persecuted, the innocent, even those accused of guilt until they are PROVED guilty, especially the innocent, particularly those innocents accused of guilt.

Like the lemming I am and for the record, I want to state that Obama’s stance on the FISA amendment pissed me off, it even made me question him a bit, which was hard, because I’ve been behaving like a teenage groupy when it comes to Obama. I want everything he does to be brilliant but, unless he has some grand plan up his sleeve this was about as mediocre as it gets.

Still, regardless of my disappointment and unlike the hordes of trolls online over the past week or so, he’s still gonna get my full support. But, my decision to continue supporting him doesn't mean I’ll change my own position against the amendment, in fact, I feel I need to let off some steam.

Over the past week or two I've seen people shot down for daring to question the Senator, there was a general consensus among some of the prize fuckwits on Kos that ‘enough was enough’. They went on to make some absurd claims about supporting freedom of expression but felt ‘enough was enough’ and people should now stop voicing their opposition….WHAT!?!?!

Believe it or not, this is actually quite a regular occurrence on Kos. You see, people like freedom of speech as long as it’s speech they dig, they’re the worse kind of bully, cowardly cunts, I fucking hate them. I’ve seen some real mongoloid McCain fans on there trolling with a measure of unsuccess, but once in a while you’ll see a genuine comment or diary from someone, mistakenly believing there’s something positive about McCain or perhaps challenging an Obama position and they are trounced.

Anything remotely smelling of criticism of the Democratic Mother Theresa is immediately labeled troll, and in that moment, with that single word your entire argument regardless of eloquence is written off, dismissed, not deemed necessary for those delicate democratic minds to concern themselves with.

The feeling I got over the past couple of weeks is that no one should be daring to suggest that he got something wrong, instead we're seen as dissenters, we’re either with him or against him, we’re expected to shut up and accept it, nothing to see here, please move along now madam. But, isn't fighting precisely what this 'movement' is all about? Fighting for what we believe is right, not doing what we’ve been doing for the past 20 years and meekly accepting any old crap that’s fed to us.

I was pleased to see Keith Olberman obviously felt more needed to be said and dedicated one of his ’special comments’ to Senator Obama and the FISA amendment:-



I was well impressed with it and I thank him for recording it. I didn’t log onto Kos to see what those sycophants would’ve made of it, they love Keith as much as they love Obama, so I'm sure they were deeply torn, should they;

a) reaffirm their undying admiration and get behind he who can do no wrong
Or,
b) reaffirm their undying admiration and get behind he who can do no wrong

Well, I’m on the fence. Whether Obama made this decision for political reasons or whether he genuinely believes this is a decent compromise, makes no difference to me, he’s wrong either way.

But, if the American electorate begin to see him as a smart politician rather than an inspirational leader of a movement, he’s in trouble. If it’s gonna be hard to see where the politician stops and the inspirational leader starts, it’ll be a big turn off. The American electorate is traditionally apathetic, but he desperately needs them to be inspired, to be motivated.

To be fair to Obama, he’s clearly explained that he’d rather compromise and get Washington working than face an impasse, it's just that I don't believe in the FISA amendment. It seems to me that the amendment is all about the amnesty for those wealthy individuals who made the decision to break the law, and an administration covering their tracks, the terrorist surveillance bit was merely a wrapping to conjure a little fear. Nothing like fear to get the American public doing what you want them to do, eh!

As Keith points out there’s that criminal loophole, but I don’t take much comfort in that. What of the people who’ve been genuinely fucked as a result of the telecorp’s illegal activities? now they’ve no chance of financial reparation through civil courts, something I think the corporations feared most.

The constitution belongs to the people, it’s there to protect the people from their own government and we’re letting our representatives change it on our behalf, but not with consultation, they wouldn’t have dared ask the people what we thought, if they had they would’ve heard a resounding NO!

There's no way the American people would've agreed to an amnesty for corporations that broke a law aimed at protecting the American people.

What irks me most, is that the constitution belongs to we the people not we the government and our corporate cronies. So, if Obama's position was from a genuine sense that it was the right thing to do, it's worrying. If the Senator believes that the right thing to do is to trade off our rights, in order to protect those that have abused our rights he’s flat wrong. It doesn’t matter how scared he or we may be, people have sacrificed and taken great risks to protect our rights and they deserve more than this.

Personally, I'd find it far more palatable if his decision had been made for purely political reasons, after all he is a politician. But, that's a dangerous game for him.

Obama's in a uniquely precarious position, his message has appealed to a large disaffected section of the electorate and he's depending on them coming out and voting, many for the first time. But, I take no pleasure from this situation, because if he fails, we fail, if he loses and we lose.

These supporters aren't activists, they're not been involved in past politics and politicians responsible for the mess we're in. They're not all young either, some are older, just never voted. Obama desperately needs these people to remain inspired and committed to change, he needs them to wake up and get to the polling booth on November 4th. The last thing he needs is that support being put off by petty politicking and the FISA compromise smells like petty politicking.

The Republicans are gonna do everything they can to paint Obama as just another politician, an extremely talented one, but a politician all the same. They understand that he's where he is because he tapped into a desperate desire for change, it’s not a chicken and egg story, the American people have wanted this for years.

I’ve thought about the FISA thing a lot and I’ve read plenty of the arguments, for and against, I even understood a couple of them, but I don’t believe the constitution should be a political issue. The founding fathers would never have considered that elected members of the US congress, would one day be debating whether, or not, a key element of the constitution should retrospectively be amended in order to cover the tracks of those who ignored it. That somehow the representatives of we the people could sell out the American people's rights in order to protect those who had broken the law and abused the American people's rights.

What’s more, I find it galling that these people claim to be representing ‘the people’, for, if HR6304 had been put to a public referendum and was not misrepresented in the same way it was (grossly) misrepresented to congress, it would've been damned to failure by a landslide, and they know it.

Your amazing founding fathers, they left you with a brilliantly conceived and completed document, one that would protect you from those in power, with a careful system of checks and balances for the various branches of your government. Remember they serve you, not the other way around!

The passing of the FISA amendment in congress was a dark moment for America. With it the terrorists gained more than they’ve ever have as a result of blowing something up. We’ve thrown away a part of that we were entrusted to protect and all because we were scared. We did it selfishly and without a thought for our children or future generations of Americans.

I thought the congressional oath was to: support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic NOT ‘change and amend‘ if it gets in the way.

Perhaps something along the lines of ‘I swear by almighty God to selfishly serve myself and change the constitution if it gets in the way’ would be more apt.

At least the president gets a big caveat-- he‘s only got to do it ‘to the best of my ability’, so no one’s holding their breath on that one.

We’re no longer a nation of laws, but law breakers, we are no longer decent but the indecent, our leaders have ripped and scratched at that beautiful scroll called the American constitution and we have stood by and let them.

This is not a time to worry about petty politics, the constitution was there to protect us all we had to do was protect it, regardless of political affiliation.

Our badly bandaged constitution is in a serious state, it was intended to protect THE PEOPLE not the fucking government. It’s seen as getting in the way and is promptly altered by some hideous amendment.

I've seen a tag line that asks ‘would Jesus torture?‘ I’d ask ‘would the founding fathers torture?‘, but like the Kossack I already know the answer, they wouldn’t under any circumstance, simply because by doing so they would’ve become what they abhor, we, their descendants have become what they abhorred.

They say countries get the leadership it deserves well look what we have. We’re certainly no longer deserving of the graceful document left us, the founding father’s brilliance finally undermined by greed and fear, frightened little people like Limbaugh now having a greater impact on our constitution than our founding fathers, we’re left to fend for ourselves.

Thanks for that government of the people.

Who brought the bling to hip hop?

Who brought the bling to hip hop?

Where did it say in the gospels of St. Gill of Heron or the Watts Prophecies, that a standard requirement for the urban poet, or at least those platinum minted urban poets, was a gas guzzling, planet destroying, Hummer? And big heavy blocks of diamond studded shiny metal.

Who pushed the crack bling onto hip-hop?

I always thought that bad boy bling was reserved solely for the small time drug dealer. You know, those without the connections to launder profits. Instead, they were forced to live in purgatory, wandering the planet weighed down by the dirty gold acquired subjecting others to a life of abstract misery. But, apparently not, somehow the dealer’s poetically just iconolatry got ‘sold’ to the just poets of the hip-hop fraternity.

Man, he must’ve been some sweet thinker, finding himself without a laundry he managed to sell it as some revolting material minded fashion statement, creating the perfect cover along the way. Now everyone in the hood dresses the same and those living out their time in purgatory can move around unnoticed, undefined, oh the irony! dressing up like Tutankhamen to AVOID being noticed!!!

McCain his 'service', General Clarke and those nasty Republicans

OK, so I guess you probably already know that one of the presidential candidates served in the Navy, yeah well, it's been blasted from just about every fucking roof top in the country.

But, I thought you might also want to know that:

• His father Admiral John S. "Junior" McCain was commander of the American Forces in Vietnam, whilst John McCain was held as a POW
• John McCain crashed five planes, but only one of them was actually shot down
• John McCain served on 23 missions
• His 23 missions only took a total of just 20 hours to complete
• He received 28 medals, averaging a medal and a half for every hour he served in Vietnam
• John McCain was a shit pilot, better than me, but shit all the same

Most of that data, well all of it except the premise I made about him being shit at flying, comes courtesy of Veterans Against McCain. If you'd like to read more specifics of McCain's service have a look at this. It provides a basic summary of his actions in Vietnam and perhaps makes sense of why the Republicans are so fucking tetchy about his service record.

As the entire world knows by now, he got caught and kept as a POW, but when he was offered the chance to go home, he heroically refused, choosing to stay until his comrades were released. Because of that decision a plethora of conspiracy theories sprouted as to why, some of them are fairly compelling, but I think the answer is far simpler - I don't see he had a choice. I mean, how would it have looked if he'd taken them up on their offer?

The Vietnamese only made the offer in the first place because of who his dad was, so you can imagine the reception the US press and his old man would've given him - son of commander of US forces in Vietnam completely fucks up, then gets out early - the press would've had a field day with him and his dad.

But, that's not what's on my mind today. I'm truly pissed but not remotely surprised by the reaction to Wesley Clarke questioning of McCain's qualifications to be commander in chief.

McCain and the rest of the Republican party seem to think that, the fact he crashed one of his planes in Vietnam and got caught, somehow uniquely qualifies him to be commander in chief of the world's most powerful army. But, when this ridiculous assumption is challenged it's as if they were attacking McCain's fucking military record.

The Republicans have the American public bewitched when it comes to the flag and who loves their country the most. It doesn't seem to matter that around half of the soldiers killed in action have been Democrats, it doesn't seem to figure either that around half of the entire public service sector is staffed by Democrats, including the police and the fire services. Still, only Republicans can possibly be patriotic, they're patriotically destroying the constitution and patriotically starting bullshit wars that result in the deaths of thousands of Americans and hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqis.

They've got the Democrats tied up in knots on the issue, all the Republicans have to do is feign outrage, shout patriotism and before they know it they've got the media and the DNC jumping around like a Jewish mum at their son's bar mitzvah.

Neither Wesley Clarke, nor Obama, nor a single surrogate or any organization supporting the Democratic party, have attacked McCain's military service. His service has only ever been mentioned, by the Democrats, in the most reverential of tones, they're not that stupid.

But, somehow, to the Repugs, questioning the relevance of McCain's military service as it pertains to experience for a commander in chief, is the same as attacking his service record or dare I say - patriotism (OMG that word!), then out come their star spangled banners and chants of Islamic fundamentalism or any other ism that scares the American public.

What galls me the most, is that the bloke who dared to ask is a fucking general himself, regardless, the Repugs immediately default to their 'he's attacking McCain's patriotism!' and everyone starts panicking, even Obama makes some ridiculous statement about how fantastic McCain is and went onto remind us all of just how fucking heroic the man is/was/will be. The entire Democratic party was stunned into silence, only another decorated General (Gard) was decent enough to come to Wesley Clarke's defense.

This shit is getting embarrassing.

I've no idea what John Kerry must be making of all this, when he ran he had his own heroic service record constantly challenged/questioned. The Republicans and the public at large sat back as the worst of the Republican supporters attempted to devalue his service, it was an outrage. This time around no one has come close to questioning McCain's service, but please let people question the relevance of it.I mean we all have family who served. I have an uncle who's a vet, he served with distinction but believe me, you would not want him running this country!

Senator McCain, your service, although appreciated is irrelevant, please SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!