STOP PRESS! scumbag Wall Street banker keeps big sack of cash!!!!

For anyone who's spent the past couple of months comatose, or just in case this happens to be the only surviving chip of silicon referencing the great Wall Street theft of ’08, then for the sake of historical record here's the lowdown (btw if you happen to be reading this eons from now, and your world still debates whether they can afford to provide universal health care, buy an apple)...

Recently, Congress, supported by leaders from both major parties, voted to give nearly a trillion dollars to one man, an ex-Wall Street banker, after he promised to get the struggling US economy moving again. There's a recent picture of him taken during his morning cash inspection just below

He told the people in Congress, some wore old-fashioned wigs, that it was all about credit, that Americans just love using other people's money to buy things, but the banks just hate it, when they don’t get their money back, and have threatened to stop playing. He told them that he had a plan for getting it back to how it was, he asked everyone if they could remember the good times a few years ago, when teenage drug dealer’s could qualify for a mortgage...they could and nodded in approval.

Then he told them his plan to get things back to normal; he would do this by giving money to banks so the banks would start lending money to people again...they thought this sounded like a great idea and they nodded their approval.

Then he asked that they all come closer, and he lowered his voice and told them some really, really scary shit. It was all so scary that he told them they could never tell anyone else, especially the people whose money he wanted them to give to him. He told them that if the public knew, out of sheer panic they would immediately run into the street and shoot themselves and other people, and that would be bad for the economy...they nodded in agreement, this was truly shocking and the public should never know.

To Congress, whose passing of legislation was normally known to be slow, and could be measured in geological epochs, the consequences of the banks not being around to play anymore were so shocking, that they actually gave up a Saturday so they could look for a pen and sign the massive check.

Call me old fashioned, but ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?

This is the very same bunch that needed to see a couple of thousand American soldiers die before they’d give the military a few grand to buy some metal to glue onto their cars, palpably they’d wrongly assumed that Baghdadi weaponry had not moved on from the thousand thieves and their curvy swords and daggers.

Now, all of a sudden they're happily handing over trillion dollar checks to some bloke, so that he could give it to a few banks, so they'd stay alive by charging taxpayers fees for lending them the money the taxpayers had given them to lend back to them....Uh?

I mean the deal doesn’t even make sense in the first place!

Why the fuck would taxpayers want to give banks money, just so they could loan it back to taxpayers at a profit? Surely, if they wanted to work along those lines they could cut out the middle man and have the government give them the money directly, for free! That would get the fucking economy rolling, right?

Not surprisingly none of it happened – well, actually that’s not entirely true, none of it happened except for the bit where Congress gives all the money to the bloke who'd put the shits up them. That bit happened, but not a jot of the other lot; no loans, banks didn’t start playing again because of it, in fact not a single loan was made to a taxpayer as a result of it, the bloke who said he would save the economy didn’t save the economy, and he didn’t get it running smoothly again. Apparently there was no oversight, just heaps of hindsight, if only they’d shown a little foresight.

Now, we have to read through the acres of newsprint and online rants and raves and radio commentary from fat blokes with ponytails complaining that they could see this coming, as if they were some kinda fucking guru for spotting it! Fuck me, congratulations you joined the ranks of the rest of the world, sorry strike that, the rest of the world got it right they bought preferential stock on behalf of the taxpayers, but of course that would be idealogically wrong. It’s ok for share holders and management to make money off crap companies begging for handouts, but you can’t have the public doing the same, I mean the thought of it, the people actually profiting in some way from corporate America, where would it end, the next thing you know they could have safe bridges, roads, who knows maybe even universal health care, oh no, that's right, that would be idealogically unsound...phew!

So, just as we thought it turns out that the Wall Street bail out was all a big scam, just so Paulson, Bernanke and Bush could divy up the swag between them and their mates.

Though I have to say their timing was quite brilliant, I mean this is supposed to be a free market economy and 'Dubya' is supposed to be Ian Ideologue himself, yet he managed to scare all those cowardly lefties, and even a few of those crazy GOP wingnuts, who couldn't give a shit about bailing anyone out least of all a fucking banker.

A few of them must've been in on it, which is why so few of them backed it in congress, just genius!

He even got the sparklier than sparkly Prince of Darkness to vote for it, and go on record half a dozen times saying how much he dug Paulson and Bernachy and how
thrilled he was that he had managed to get oversight included into the bill, and didn’t he do ever-so-well. The very same oversight that didn't see Paulson stuffing his underwear and socks with wads of $1,000 bills as he left the office every night. So, as a parting gift from the Bush administration he's left BO right-royally fucked, up shit creek without a paddle, as we say sans Inglaterre!

Apparently there is one piece of good news Bloomberg News reports that Bush has decided he's not gonna try and hit up Congress for another $350 Billion!!!!! Can you fucking believe it? He actually has the audacity to speak the words like it’s his choice, the man is a scumbag of the highest order, but if the democrats only reward bitter political shysters like Lieberman what hope is there of ever seeing justice served regarding the Bush administration?

He doesn’t even need to bother courting anymore controversy by offering a blanket pardon for himself and his staff, he doesn’t need it! Obama’s administration are not interested in seeing justice served. Though knowing Bush he'll probably do it just to rub it in....what a prize wanker!